Mental note, pick sanity up at drycleaner, FROG CHEESE PUMPERKNICKLE
Yeah, so for like the past week I’ve been slowly driving my self crazy (this is simultaneously an exaggeration and an understatement). On the first Saturday of this month I wen to a going away party or a pair of my high school acquaintances going to China (They’re doing well, apparently I’m the only one with cursed travel), anyway that’s only peripherally important. While I was there, most of my old class mates were there, but most importantly She was there (she number #3 for those keeping track at home), She was one of my prime crushes for years, even to today when I see her in passing on campus my muscles tense. She was by far the odd one out of my crushes, the other two I decided to have crushes on them, I made an intellectual choice ‘these individuals have traits and qualities that I find appealing in a variety of ways’ (yes I think in a very obtuse method), but with Her it was always a baser, more emotional attraction; not that I didn’t try to intellectualize it; I think (okay, more or less know) it’s because she is my social opposite, completely, best of all She has a histrionic streak, not a mile, let’s say 50m wide, She likes to have attention (hell, She’s a model, and in the interest of full disclosure, She’s a living marble statue) and I love to give attention i.e. observe. I was exhausted at the party, up for over 20 hours, surrounded by people most of the day, defiantly not playing to my introversion at all that day. I talked to Her for awhile at the party, between listening to Her and staring at the 17 foot bonfire I had constructed, it was enchanting; I can’t remember what She said, but we both enjoyed the conversation. Only thing I remember is that She asked me to contact her on a certain social networking site, which I did, I haven’t received a reply yet, and because I’m a little neurotic this week and I have a slight abandonment issue (Thanks Mom) this no reply is making me extremely anxious.
Ciao
P.S. I could not think of a better title
P.P.S My current course of action is to watch the old 90’s Marvel cartoons (x-men and spider-man), and laugh at various thing in them, not the cops with lasers or the prolific androids, those were a limitation of the media at the time
Of philosophy and relationships
I love philosophy, I find enthralling that one can use abstract concepts to guide your life, including (but not limited to) outlook, action, interpretation of action, people, beliefs, and relationships.
After having a philosophical crisis afew years ago I started to craft my own personal amalgam of philosophy combining existentialism; utilitarianism; atheisim, backed on a preference for the Many Worlds Theory over the Copenhagen Interpretation because it allows me to belive that evrything is posible and doesn’t necessitate a sort of ’supreme observer’ that would have had to collapse the initail probability field of the universe; Gödel’s incompleteness theorem; a love of the Oxford comma; loathing of the hyphen; and something that doesn’t quiet have a name yet.
So, to briefly describe how all this culminates into personal method of guidence. Nothing has inherit meaning, no matter what, evrything only has the meaning the you give to it; this gives you a enormus amount of power over happenings in your own life. The ends justifies the means, so long as the means does not make a moot point of the end; this may soud cruel, but ”I must be cruel only to be kind./This bad begins and worse remains behind.” (Hamlet Act 3, scene 4, 178–179), it is our duty to maximize well being and minimze suffering to all of our community. All humans are inherently equal, and deserve equal love, no matter how despicable their acts or how much of a stranger they are. People are not their action; actions cause happiness, and actions cause suffering; these are what need to be maximized and minumized (respectively). Actions can be reviled, praised, emulated, and anything else you want. Relationships are the most important, they are what places one person above another.
I’m not perfect, i try to live buy this befuddling code, simply because this is what makes sense to me now. 5 years, five months, two weeks, tomorrow, I’ll adjust as needed, but right now this makes me a better person.
Jumping back to relationships for a bit. I love what DJ is doing right now (side note: I feel as though we could not have a better leader for the movement right now, both articulate and charasmatic) we need this sort of lingustic rethink, I can’t tell you the times I’ve sheepishly backed away from people I’ve been interested in because I couldn’t find a way to say what I wanted from them without sounding like this creep from out of no where. I’ve never really had any luck with relationships, they’re more foriegn to me then sex, at least you aren’t expected to uderstand sex in a social context until mid teens or older, but relationships is just something that you’re expected to know intrinsically, and I don’t (I mentioned this in “In the beginning“). Not only does this disscusion expand vocabulary in a way it desperately needs but also allows people like me to, effectivly, learn to how act while the actual language is being developed.
I not exatly show how clear this is, hopefully I can clean this up this weekend.
Ciao.
