Back Again
Long time since I’ve sat down to try to write anything. And ‘anything’ has actually become quite a bit over the past two (pushing three) months.
The good news during this time was that I did quiet well in my classes, proving once again that with enough determination a genius can sleep through six courses and systematically pull grades that are neither too high nor tool low. I also got a bitchin’ laptop, Sager NP8660; this was sort of a hollow victory (more below). And lastly I got a bowler/derby/coke hat; unfortunately it has since gotten damaged during my adventures.
Now for the bad. As I some may know, and others can find out, I was supposed to go down south, to Chico CA, to study for the semester. And I did but after I got there stuff happened:
Hour 1 – Can’t get a hold of people who I’m supposed to be renting a house from.
Hour 2 – I’m taken to eat “A real American burger”; I surmise what I thought of your food after…
Hour 3 – Turns out the house was rented to someone else, I’m officially homeless
Rest of day 1 – calling random strangers of a list given to me to see, eventually found what turned out to be an incredibly nice fellow’s chesterfield. On my way to this guy’s place, I saw two groups of teenage girls start beating the bloody hell out of each other, with no provocation from either group; and some fat guy screaming at the top of his lungs into his cellphone.
Day 2 – look into an apartment, I stay here the next two days
Day 4 - Leave apartment can’t fucking sleep, train goes by ever 15-45 minutes, shacking the building violently, and blasting its horn. People of California should learn *Insulation makes your buildings more efficient, reducing heating and cooling cost, as well as reducing noise transfer and making your buildings sturdier*
Day 5-9 – Sleeping on chesterfield, applying for apartments, getting rejections from those apartments
Day 10 – meets the other international exchange students, very nice particularly the a Brazilian male, Quebecois female and three Irish lasses, all very nice (two of the Irish lasses were quite cute), unfortunately I can’t apply my recently acquired basic social skills because my days include apartments visits and refreshing my inbox over and over while sitting on a stranger’s chesterfield. Also I’m not yet 21, and therefore can’t spend time with these potential friends in the evenings.
Day 11-13 – Sleeping on chesterfield, applying for apartments, getting rejections from those apartments
Day 14 – Classes start, I skip them, say “screw it!” and drag my luggage off the to a hotel.
Day 15 – Still no housing prospects, I go to my classes if only to introduce myself to my professors. I start looking into airfare home
Day 17 – I wake up at 5 AM to a phone ringing, my parents have found me a flight home that day. I double check my emails to see if any new housing prospects look promising, none do; so I decide to cut my loses ad go home.
First things first,
Dear Americans, your food sucks, I tried all types of food down there, all price ranges, all styles. Your cheese all taste the same, like wax and have the consistency of rubber. Your pizzas are needlessly greasy, and your crusts are, for lack of a more descriptive term, cardboard. Your salads overpriced and under sized. Your meats and fatty and sinewy and tougher then a coffin, with just as much taste. Last and worst, your Slurpees are not even worth any mention more then to say that they might as well be slush I gathered of the side a road back home.
Now that I got my biggest issue out of the way I must say the weather was very desert like (Hot during the day, cold at night), and the rain there was damaged my hat.
And at last count: Houses/Apartments viewed = 30+, Applications Rejected = 6, Still pending = 5, never got back to me about anything = 16.
About the computer being a hollow victory. I had a laptop fund, quiet large, ~3000$, but I was trying to put off buying one for as long as possible, because then I would that much better of a machine. Going down forced my hand, and while I am happy with the machine, I can’t help wanting more from it.
I have to say the worst part is not having the opportunity to make better Friends with the aforementioned people. How often do the socially inept get a chance to be plunged in to a group of interactional peer, where my deficiency comes from my early life social isolation and continued introversion, and their from a language barrier.
Now that I’m home, my odessy done, I’ve turned to a new pursuit. I’m trying to get in shape by summer (that means loseing 30 pounds of fatt and significantly incresing cardio and uperbody strength) so that I can take up Parkour. Also I need to find a job.
Ciao
People aren’t worth it!
I am a prolific lover of airsoft; beautiful game really, when played for fun, as I did today (with a group of people from my uni). In doing so though I had a splendiferous time, but also a reaffirming slap in the face.
Women aren’t worth it!
Its not that I don’t understand their thought process, but some times its that I believe in its nonexistence. For example, there is one girl, lets call her Lucky, anyway Lucky hates me; that special kind of hate that you reserve for very few people you wish to see burn in hell. The thing is I have no idea how this happened, I only met her last year, we’ve never spent prolonged time together, we don’t oppose on issues/beliefs. Now i don’t mind a little hate, you can’t be everyones friend, but I at least like to now what causes enmity towards me, so I can at least try to minimize the actions or behaviour that cause it (after all if one person hates it, it probably annoys ten others). But much to my dismay she hasn’t let anyone in on the secret source of her ‘deep-rooted’ hatred. The strange thing is (and this is why I believe the thought process behind it is shaky, not absent), is that after about three drinks; so enough to have some effect, but still far from drunk; Lucky has absolutely now problem with me, none, at least once she even forgot who I am.
[GRAMMER CORRECTIONS at the behest of pretzelboy] She is not the only gril like this I know (and not all the examples involve them hating me [I not that bad, I don't think.]) but she is the most extreme example I could think of.[/end of Corrections]
Example of it in action at tonight’s airsoft game: So waiting in the lobby for the game to start, Lucky was sitting on the couch (a very long couch), I had gotten there much earlier ’cause I had some maintenance to do. I was tired of standing so every so discreetly and nonchalantly as I could I sat down on the far end of the couch, she made this evil throat sound and got up and walked away, I didn’t even make eye contact. Later, near the end of the match I was sneaking around when I saw some opponents rip for the picking, I snapped around the corner of the main corridor and tap, tap, tap, I took out three (really nice shots too) looking at the other end, I advance to their position, saw one of my guys had pegged down some more opponents; I check behind me, tap, got one more that had wandered behind me, dash around the corner, close-quarter-killing (calling an opponent ‘out’ without shoot them, only doable at close enough range that shooting them would be a dick move, performed buy pointing you’re gun at them and shouting ‘Mercy’) three before they could get a shot off, spin around to the sound of an empty gun firing, there is Lucky, I’m thinking “I’m not getting shot, she must be out of ammo”, so naturally I’m going to close-quarter-kill her to, but to be fair and give her a chance to realise she’s out of ammo, and maybe close-quarter-kill me I say ” I think you’re empty. Mercy!” now she almost got me but I called her out just as her first syllable was leaving her lips. At this point I figure “eight was a good run” and not wishing to incur any additional ill will I also call myself out. I swear to God, I though she was going to club me with her gun.
Men aren’t worth it!
Most men are after only after two things, you know the first, the second it to best other men in the most boyish fashion possible. Alcohol can supplement or replace either of the two things.
’nuff said.
The moral of today’s story is:
Venting to people (even though very few people to date have read this blog) on the Internet is cathartic.
Ciao
On ‘comming out’
I know, second post and already falling behind schedule. opps… umm… well lets move on.
I intended to write something about this last week, bu then I saw that my university’s LGBT was having a ‘comming out’ disscusion group, and I thought “What a wonderful way to do some relevent ‘field research’.” This, I must admit, was my first foiyer into the local queer (queer may not be the right word, as everyone but me was gay, but in small cities you take what you get) community, and I think that I was their first brush asexuality. The topic tonight was ‘relationships’, so I thought that I would be atleast prepared, after all; as I’m sure everyone who has been to an ase disscusion forum can tell you; what we love most is to talk about relationships. Unfourtionatly the topics up for discussion tonight were… mundane… “ever had a bad breakup, ever been rejected, would it hurt if you were cheated on” stuff that isn’t very talk/thought provoking. After the I opened my mouth just to talk after the meeting I let slip something, I not sure what, that gave away my not-gayness, one of the leaders as ‘what I was’ since I took this as “If your not gay, then why are you here?” I told her I was asexual, and the short explination (I belive what I said was, “dated men, dated women, foud that niether had anything over dating nothing”) after which I got that *gasp* then the pity you stare that I’m sure lots of you have gotten. Over all it was a good time, and but I don’t plan on going to the next meeting next week, for what ever reason it just felt like I was taking a step back, like all their disscusions I’ve already had elsewhere, shame really.
It’s getting late so I’m posting what I have now, and will add an ademdum tomorrow.
ADEMDUM
My thoughts on the whole ‘comming out’ thing (for my utter inability to think of a better word at the momment) I think that it is important that you do come out in some way to those close to you; but, paradoxicaly the more important and freeing comming out will be, the more difficult it will be for you.
In a effort to err on the side of full discloser, I haven’t ‘officaly’ come out to my family, entirely because it’s a non issue. I’m too busy to have that kind of relationship (’cause, apperently they take alot of energy), and noone really makes an issue of my not dateing.
Ciao.
In the Beginning
In the beginning I was born, like everyone else, and despite popular rumour I wasn’t hatched from an egg nor did I descend from the heavens on a cloud of sarcasm, wit, poor eating habits, and social awkwardness. Since then my life hasn’t been like everyone else. As an infant I dismantled toys, and bugs, and I hated being around other people. I did everything backward, stood before I crawled, read before I spoke. So by the time I finally got to elementary school I was used to being weird, and pursuing my interests alone, and the other kids were happy to oblige; this bring me to the first (of four) important facts about me, I’m an introvert, full blown INTJ. I just don’t like to be alone, I need it, if I don’t get my alone time I start to go a little bit squirrelly. I quickly became that one kid that always got teased, all the time. It sort of spiked up and got really bad at one point, but that’s for another day; outside of that one spike it sort of gradually grew in intensity and frequency up until grade six. After that things suddenly changed, over one summer I went from the object of everyone’s malice to the object of everyone’s … ignoring. Looking back I think I understand what happened, one word – puberty, everyone suddenly stopped teasing me because they all took to ‘teasing’ each other.
I didn’t understand this new found fancy in other people. I mean I went through all those changes on schedule, all except the last one I’ve never found anyone, anywhere attractive in a sexual manner. That brings me to the second fact, I’m asexual, if you don’t know what that means then I suggest you go check out AVEN. Fast forward to high school, same kids as elementary and junior high, now they were nicer in a general sense; their malice, which was replaced with avoidance, was in turn replaced with a sort of neutral indifference, which I rather enjoyed. We had the odd conversation, never ’small talk’, always restricted to topics of our common studies or for the exchange of required pleasantries and information. But it was around this time I came to a slump in my extensive reading habits, (i.e. I could find another novel worth reading) and with that I was thrust into reality long enough that I realised that people were actually getting joy out of being around one another, not just that but they wanted to spend their free time around these other people, not just the minutes and lunch-hours between classes.
It was then I decided to make a change in my life. This brings me to facts three and four; three: I am always reexamining myself, I don’t know how people can go through thier day to day lives without trying to better themselves, questioning and exploring their foundation; and four: I’m smart, I learn fast, I hate saying that, and I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I a want something (at least from a knowledge stand point) I have a knack for find quantity and quality information and absorbing it at a extraordinary rate. Anyway… What change? I decided to become, not necessarily more social, but more involved in the microcosm of civilization that is person to person interaction (much like how to better understand the essence of a star, one must observe atoms). My basic method for this has been to pour over ever credible document I could find about human behaviour, I spent a special amount of time focusing on personality psychology and have developed a lasting interest in it; and to go to a bar on the other side of town and, simply speaking, sat and observed humans in their natural social environment (come to think of it i probably looked creepy, twice a week alone, mulling over a rob roy).
It’s going good, I think, I now talk to people regularly, I even go out for impromptu social outings occasional (though still infrequently). If you asked me a year ago to ‘read’ some one body language, you might as well have put a long lost Chinese tablet in front of me, both equally undecipherable, but now I’m starting to pick up on subtle nuance in what people say and how it relates to their comportment (I still find this very difficult). So why you may ask did I decide to start a blog about my admittedly non-exciting life? Its been a culmination of three things in my life, one: a want to catalogue in some sense my rare (I dare not say unique) life has come to be along with a recording in some sense of my more fleeting thoughts; two: I’m not sure why but this post some how pushes myself further toward actually doing this; and three: an impromptu evening out with an old high school classmate and his girl friend who called me at 11 o’clock and said “wanna go for drinks?”, aside from having fun, I finally got to interact in a truly dynamic environment and it still confused the hell out of me.
I hope at least one person got all the way through this inaugral post and intends to come back and read more. As for the format I hope to follow, I will mostly try to deal with issues of an asexual and an introvert in an the highly social and sexual environment (in this case university), but I will occasionally (hopefully rarely) break the pattern with something about my loves of science, film, and video games. I also hope to post something at least ever 6-10 days, hopefully on the shorter end and hopefully they’ll become easier to read and less of a grammatical/linguistic nightmare.
Ciao.
